ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
