I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
