yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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