My room smells like vodka and shame
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
