Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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