Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
