I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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