Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
