i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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