Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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