And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
