There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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