Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
