Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
