i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
