youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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