Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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