i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk walkin through police station. America
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
