Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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