I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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