That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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