on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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