We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
