it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
