Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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