Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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