Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
