don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
