I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
