Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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