Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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