i don't like sucking hair
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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