everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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