and i looked up. we had an audience...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
