Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize