How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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