i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
