I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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