We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
