That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
