A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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