yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
