seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
