I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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