I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
