I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
