I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
