he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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