Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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