I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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