can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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