Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
