Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
