You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize