This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
