they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
