uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize