u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
