i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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