He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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