theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
