I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
