I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
