I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
