just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
