ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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