The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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