I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My pussy is not your playground.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
