I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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