Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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