Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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