um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
