My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
