I don't usually arrange sex via text message
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
