Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
