You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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