i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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