she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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