Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
