Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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